Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Dear William

Dear William,
            Today was your first day of kindergarten. You truly are a big boy now. You were at first a little nervous about meeting new friends and teacher, so I held your hand tight as we walked down the hall. I was so proud of you as we walked hand and hand. I wanted everyone to see this beautiful young man we had made. There were many smiling faces as we walked closer to your door. I looked down at you and you up at me. We both smiled for each other, trying to be brave. I could feel the tears wanting to come out, but I held them in. Truthfully, I didn’t want you to go. I know I made such a big deal about going to school and made you believe it was going to be the best place in the world, but I wasn’t ready yet. I wanted to pick you up, take you home and just sit and hold you.  As I held my tears in we came to the door of your classroom. Your teacher greeted us so happily and we found your desk with your very own name on it.  I looked at that desk, thinking about how much time you would be spending there; thinking about how much you will grow in this next year. Another teacher grabed your hand and found your book bag hook, and helped you hang it up. I stood there helpless and watched my little boy start his life.  You sat down at that desk and started playing with green blocks. I could tell you felt at home and you were going to be just fine. I on the other hand had a lot of empty feelings inside. I hugged and kissed you and said my goodbyes, and had to hurry out of the room, as I could no longer hold back the tears. They poured out.  Tears fell one by one as I thought about all the things I hoped. I hoped I did okay to this point with you. I hoped I taught you good manners. I hoped I read enough books to you. I hoped I spent enough time with you. I hoped I laughed enough with you. And the list just kept going on and on, over and over.  I cried throughout the day, missing you so much. Wondering what you had been doing at the moment I was thinking it.  It was so hard to just handing you over and hope!  So, when it was time to pick you up, I got so excited. I was there 15 minutes to early, but I waited. The teacher had said she was going to bring the class outside, so I just waited. I waited for my boy to come out.  It seemed like days before you finally came out and there you were. I wanted to run to you, but I decided a fast walk might be better, I didn’t want to embarrass you to much, after all I did just cry my eyes out dropping you off. As I walked up to you, I could tell you had a great day. You were talking to some friends and had a big smile on your face.  We hugged and I walked, proudly holding your hand again, just like I never left you!  You told me about your new friends and all the fun things you did that day all the way home.  That’s when I knew it was going to be just fine.
            I want to thank you, William. Thank you for teaching me to be the best mom I can be!  Not to take everyday moments for granted, because soon they will be gone.  I want to thank you for making me realize that I can never be to busy for the ones who will soon be too big to be by my side all the time! Thank you!
            I love you more than life itself,
            Your mother

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